Intrusive question number seven is: “I would be so worried about the safety of ‘my’ children. Aren’t you worried about ‘those’ kids hurting ‘your’ kids?”
Time and time again the stereotype that foster kids are monsters rears its ugly head. I think there are many things that perpetuate this myth. I think the media, as with many other things, over-accentuates the dramatic. Often I read articles about violent, traumatic events happening to a family and the “adopted” child is blamed. Adopted Son Kills Parents. Adopted Child Sets Fire. Adopted Man On Criminal Rampage. Have you ever seen an headline that shouted “Biological Child Plots Murder”?
When something bad happens and an adopted person is involved, it is the nature of society to point out the adoption. It is as if being adopted is what pushes children and adults alike over the edge. Yet we hear daily about the many crimes and injustices committed by people who grew up in biological homes. Did Bill Clinton cheat on his wife because he was adopted? No. Did Charles Manson mastermind the murders of his victims because he was adopted? No. Did the kid who spray painted vulgarities on my fence do it because he was adopted? I’m guessing not.
The desire to accentuate the fact of adoption when something goes wrong only causes more people to believe that foster children and/or adopted children are monsters who cannot be trusted. Many people outside of our small circle believe that our children are just ticking time bombs. Even relatives of ours act as though, if left alone, they will perpetrate on other children. It is as if they are not deserving of trust or compassion from anyone.
My children and many of your children have never caused harm to another human being. They are sometimes a bit rough around the edges. If you’ve read my other entries you know that more often than not, they drive me crazy. But, they are not monsters. They are children who have been hurt. They need love and affection and acceptance, not judgment and a societal myth that they are evil. They need more stories about adopted people who change the world for good and less news clips about adopted people who steal, maim and kill. They need a shift in the thoughts of the general public.
To anyone who believes these myths or has the nerve to ask my Number Seven Intrusive Question, I say, think before you speak. Look at my sons and see their humanity and what is left of their innocence. Take the time to get to know a child who is or has been in the system and you will realize that all the myths you carry with you are false. Your life will be forever changed by getting to know beautiful survivors like my sons.
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